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★ NANOPHAGE RESEARCH -- ENHANCING TOMORROW, TODAY ★ Our products are FDA-adjacent and meet all voluntary safety benchmarks ★ REMINDER: Patients experiencing involuntary bioluminescence should contact customer service ★ Dr. Kellerman's presentation "Unintended Features: A Marketing Perspective" is now online ★ The cafeteria will be closed Thursday for "decontamination" ★ Test subjects reporting a second heartbeat should NOT panic -- this is within expected parameters ★ IF YOU HEAR THE ALARM, REMAIN AT YOUR WORKSTATION ★ Ask HR about our staff enhancement discount! ★
NPR
EST.
1987

Nanophage Research

Leaders in consumer nanophage enhancement since 1987
"Better Living Through Applied Nanotechnology™"

Laboratory Work Terminal

TERMINAL #A-11 :: USER: intern_#3 :: CLEARANCE: LEVEL 1 ::
Nanophage Units in Inventory
0
Production: 0.0 nanophages/sec
NANOPHAGE™
NP-0047
1.5 mL · Rx ONLY
⚠ LIVE NANOPHAGES ⚠
↑ Click to self-administer a dose (+1 per dose) ↑
Acquisition mode:

» Production Facilities & Personnel «

Research Grant Catalog

Grant applications automatically approved by the Institute Review Board (currently vacant). Purchase grants to improve facility operations.

▼ Previously Funded Grants

Corporate Archives (Legal Clearance Required)

⚠ WARNING: Issuing a "Product Recall" will PURGE all nanophage inventory, test subjects, production facilities, and active grants. In exchange, you will receive NON-DISCLOSURE PACKETS — paperwork so thoroughly buried that it permanently improves company operations.

⚕ Current Legal Holdings

NDA Packets in vault:0
Permanent multiplier from settlements:×1.00
Product recalls on record:0

☢ Issue Voluntary Product Recall

If you issue a recall right now, Legal will process:
0 NDA Packets
(You need at least 1 NDA Packet's worth of damage to do this.)

📜 Declassified Perks (Permanent)

Staff Commendations

Commendations are automatically recorded by the institute HR system (Mr. Henderson, b. 1951, retired). Each unlocked commendation grants a permanent +2% production bonus.
Unlocked: 0 / 0   Bonus: ×1.00

Facility Performance Report

Automatically generated. Do not distribute outside the Institute.
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Webmaster Control Panel

If you are not the webmaster, please close this page immediately.
Unauthorized tampering will be reported to Dr. Kellerman.

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ℹ Credits

This website was designed by H. Kellerman (webmaster) using Microsoft FrontPage.
Any resemblance to real research institutions, living or extinct, is purely coincidental.
Thanks for visiting!